Competition

So I am sitting here watching Grey's Anatomy with my wife. So I'm not thinking about being a doctor specifically, but I did start thinking about competition.

I'm all for competition to some degree. I think its important so that we don't all get bored and stale and don't progress in our lives. In fact, it is essential to feeling human and being alive. Complacency kills us. Mediocrity makes us mindless cyborgs.

When I came to BYU, I was told it was hard here, but the competition here is ridiculous. Students here are so competitive that I feel like I'm not even being educated. I'm not learning anything, I'm just trying to survive the next test so that I don't flunk out of college all together. And since I'm not a genius when it comes to programming, physics, calculus, or really any class that I've taken lately, so that means I study all day, work all night, never get any sleep, and never spent time with my wife.

So this makes me wonder why I chose to be in the Information Technology major? All the other tech classes that I took in High School and at other colleges were difficult, but I learned and felt great about them. I studied hard, but still did well on the tests and assignments. I worked hard on the labs and completed them all.

I took Spanish, English, Mythology, Humanities, and Literature classes and only got one B. I was good at Spanish because of my time in the mission field, but I sucked at English. I didn't know any grammar. I didn't know anything about art and I hate reading. But I still succeeded in all of those classes. I know this was all college stuff and not "university-level" classes, but what is going on? Even in the hardest classes at the colleges I went to with the smartest people there (all more intelligent and knowledgeable than I am), I still could compete. But at BYU, I am the last of the pack. The slowest; the one who has to fight the hardest.

I don't feel like I'm learning anything here. I don't enjoy going to class anymore. I don't get excited to learn anymore. I feel like this is the survival of the fittest and I won't give up, but I'm really discouraged, disappointed, and I just wish it would be fun again. Why is BYU so nuts? Is graduate school or ANY class going to be any better?